


like sugar and cyanide

by ivermectin



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: F/M, POV Nate Archibald, Pining, Probably a Pre-series fic, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27994824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: The thing about Serena is that she's always glowing.
Relationships: Nate Archibald/Serena van der Woodsen
Kudos: 16





	like sugar and cyanide

**Author's Note:**

> title from "tonight" by seether.  
> apparently i write serenate now!! wrote this one entirely on my phone, fuck me.

The thing about Serena is that she's always glowing. Nate can't look away from her when he's sober, at the best of times, and right now he is so far from it. Serena giggles, a soft thing. She's always like that - warm, bubbly, affectionate, like a best friend made of sunshine, but when she's high she amps it up, becomes extremely radiant in the way that only she can really be. 

_Alive_ , Nate thinks. _We're both so fucking alive_.

They're sitting together on the terrace, entirely alone. Serena's wearing a summer hat with a pink ribbon in it, and a shirt that looks crocheted and comfortable as well as denim shorts that make her legs look longer than ever. Nate's not high enough that she looks like fireflies, and even when sober, she's got a halo around her, he thinks. Serena makes him feel like the blood in his veins is singing.

"Hey, Natie," she says, stealing the joint from his hands, holding it up to her mouth, angling her head up ever so slightly. Nate looks at her jaw, at her throat. "Why do you look so sad? Don't be sad. You're too pretty to be sad." 

"Thanks, Serena," Nate says, grinning. He's high enough that it's funny, but Serena looking at him like that doesn't do much to ease the ache in his chest. "Glad you think I'm pretty."

"You're the prettiest," Serena says. She takes another puff, giggles like they're both in on a joke the rest of the world doesn't know. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

She must've had something other than just the weed, then, Nate thinks. Anguished, he says, "Serena. Don't. Don't say it if you don't mean it."

"I want to mean it," she says, leaning against him. "You're so lovely. I want to love you." 

Serena gets like that, sometimes. It's easier for her to hold him and be held by him when they're both drunk or high or stoned enough that it feels like they're the only two people in the world. 

Nate takes the joint back from her, takes a puff. Serena's held it between her lips for too long, her lipstick's left a stain on the joint. It's an apt metaphor, in some ways. Nate feels like that, too. Like he's burning out, covered in Serena's lipstick.

"Do you ever feel like everything's decided for us?" Nate asks. "Like we're gonna grow up to be our parents?"

"Nope," Serena says, cheerfully. "I'd rather die than become my mother."

"Please don't die," Nate says seriously. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Serena giggles, but Nate doesn't. He hadn't been joking. 

"You're sweet," she says, patting at his cheek with one of her hands.

 _I really wish that you were in love with me_ , Nate thinks. He hands her back the joint, watches her mouth as she inhales.

The thing about Nate is that he's a moth. Always has been. Serena is the brightest light there is. And Nate? Can't keep away. It's going to be like flying into the sun. 

They're close enough now that when he shifts his head, he can press his face against the top of her head, smell her hair. She's humming something under her breath. He wonders, idly if she'll remember this moment tomorrow. He takes one of her hands in his, traces her wrist with a finger. 

He loves her.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ bisexualdanhumphrey, you know the drill. xoxo


End file.
